Showing posts with label how. Show all posts
Showing posts with label how. Show all posts

How discovering I was trans* made me realize I wasn't straight


When I discovered I was genderqueer, I started making a big deal when people asked me if I was a girl or a boy (I still do). I complained about why it was so important to know someone's biological sex or gender. I wished people would base their opinions on me because of my personality and not because I was raised as a female-bodied person. If the love of my life, who I think is a guy, turned out to be a girl, I'm sure I'd still love her. So why does it matter? I was expecting other people to think this way, but I myself didn't follow my advice. I realised this and started ignoring gender as much as I could. Then I figured that it’s not about being gender-blind, but to accept all genders and not judge people on that. And that’s why I became to feel attraction to people independently of their gender. So I guess I’m pansexual, then.

How i figured out i was transgender

The first thing I ever knew about gender identity and such was when I found out that people could get a sex change. Disgusting, weird, silly, useless... were a few of my first reactions. Little did I know that in the future I'd be considering top surgery myself. Anyway, I had that opinion for many years, until I "met" Alexis, from Ugly Betty.


She became one of my favorite characters (along with Mark and Justin... I was destinied to belong in the LGBT) and from then on I didn't think it was that weird.
In class we studied feminism and gender, and the difference between sex and gender came out. During the class, I thought; "I could be a guy, then". I continued with my life without much more thought on that matter, but then I got addicted to Y!A (urgh...) and bumped into the LGBT section. I decided to look up on wikipedia the definition of LGBT and, when I realised, I knew a lot of terms and definitions related to that community (I love LGBT terms...). Once I discovered "genderqueer", I knew it had something to do with me.
When playing the 'girls vs boys' games at school I never knew what side I felt most comfortable with. That led me to sit in a corner alone and wish for people just to be people, and not girls or boys. I felt ashamed when I wished I could wear a suit to a wedding, but even more when I wished I could wear a dress. Why not a mix? Why not both? Why not wear the suit for half the time and then a dress for the rest? After two months of thinking about my gender, I arrived to the conclusion that I was/am moving between male, female and other genders, depending on my mood, situation or simply the day of the week.